If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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