I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
