He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
