I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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