I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
