My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
