No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
