also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
