I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
