Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
