he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
