yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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