My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
