someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
