My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
