This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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