Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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