Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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