i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize