The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize