Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
