some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
