Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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