Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize