apparently the secret to your success is patron
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
