census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
