i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
