already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I party with great urgency now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
