I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
