Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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