Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize