She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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