I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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