You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
