i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
