im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
