woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think my moral compass just broke
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
