Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
