the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
