ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
