Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
