I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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