can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
