i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
ok first of all what the fuck
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
