He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
