I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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