Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
