A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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