Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
