I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I love you. Go after that dick
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
