It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
