Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
