I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
