I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
God, I missed his penis.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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