dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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