If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
