I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
