Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
