wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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