The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my shit smells like andre
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
