Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
