just come out here and I will go home with you...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Congratulations! We have a period
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