I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
