There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
