Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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