somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
