I just pynch a tree in the face
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
