Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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