You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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